Top 10 Things You Don’t Want Dubya to Say

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10. My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you all this time. These two beautiful twin daughters I have? They’re clones. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

9. My fellow Americans, I have to admit to something. I accidentally pushed the wrong button on my trip to the SAC base. Me being my red-necked self, I pushed the red button that sent off the missiles to Russia. Say your prayers.

8. My fellow Americans, I have to ask one thing. What’s a law?

7. My fellow Americans, we sadly admit that Mr. Cheney is no longer with us. After another heart attack, he has been forced to retire. I shall have to retire too, because without him I’m a lost cause.

6. Another thing to admit. Mr. Bush Sr., my father, is really my brother.

5. And my wife is really my mother.

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Fun with table tennis balls

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This crazy guy has some fun with table tennis balls, he also looks really strange..

Fun with table tennis balls

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Kid Paints Picture In HTML

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Alright, I admit you got to be a little geeky to appreciate this one. Some kid draws a painting using nothing but HTML code. Its actually pretty impressive if you ever used HTML before.

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Too drunk to f*ck

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This T-shirt says a lot - Too drunk to f*ck

Too drunk to f*ck

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Wise Old Man

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A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A freakin’ quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, dude. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

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